Windows

This was the living room in our previous house roughly 14 years ago, I suppose. Although my style has changed since then, I still adore this photo.

I love it because of the windows above the mantle.

In that season of my life it seemed that everywhere I turned a door was being closed. Slammed actually. Right in my face.

In the 5 years prior we had given up on our dream of coastal living when we lost everything in hurricane Katrina. I’d been diagnosed with MS and saw a dramatic and difficult decline in my health. I left a ministry I loved, experienced a painful crisis in the loss of my church and homeschool community. One best friend moved away and another chose to take a break from our relationship while she sorted out some things in her own journey. I had gone no contact with my father and I felt as alone in the world as I’d ever felt. I was sad. I was sick.

And yet even as doors all around me closed I could see glimmers of light. It filtered through, shimmering enough in the darkness of my soul to point me toward a way forward.

On. I just need to move, on.

I didn’t know where I was going and I didn’t need to.

I had been in that space before. I knew God closed doors that needed to be closed. He often closed them because He had to. He was the only one who could. I took too much, excused too much, pushed myself too hard. If He didn’t close them for me, I never would.

Stubborn as a mule I would keep trying to make situations and relationships work that had outlived their purpose in my life.

When we moved into the house pictured it was a compromise house. An in-between, not sure where we are supposed to be house.

I didn’t love it but I was thankful for it.

I created the window pieces because I knew God was preparing my heart for all that would exist when I climbed through the windows He would eventually open.

I needed a reminder. These wall was it for me.

Trust Him to close the doors that need to be closed and to open the windows when the time is right. His time, not mine.

He did. He always has and He always will.

We moved from that house a couple years later and into our forever home. In a neighborhood we didn’t even know existed. I never really saw myself in a forever home.

We were a military family for 6 years and I’ve moved about 30 times in my adult life. Yet here I am, curled up tonight in bed with my sweet husband in our home of almost 10 years.

My health would get worse, much worse in fact before I was able to turn it around.

One bestie and I made trips to visit and the other made her way back to me when the time was right.

I’ve built three successful businesses since then.

My father passed away and I pray for the day we will find reconciliation in heaven.

The communities I lost would soon be replaced as our children grew up and out. They married, had children and our life revolves around the big beautiful family we’ve built. We have a few good close friends. Our family is in Church together and we reaping the fruit of so many years of tending the garden.

We’ve grown a marriage that is strong and healthy. It’s the happiest place in the whole world. This house, with my husband, our 6 kids (spouses included) our 4 grandchildren and our little Morkie, we call Minnie.

We’ve traveled, checked off bucket list trips, and made the best life.

As I came across this photo today I am so thankful for my faith in God. I knew, I know, even in the darkness that He is closing doors only He can close so that He can open the windows, only He can open.

God is good, all the time. All the time God is good.