The Plague

It revealed the best and the worst of our world. I think that's what I would tell my grandchildren if they asked me about the Plague of 2020.

It broke my heart to see people I loved and respected behaving in ways that were unrecognizable to me. It made me doubt our collective ability to be rational, logical, educated, compassionate. It made me understand more clearly how dangerous politics can be to human life. It changed me and changed the way I saw people. It confirmed what I had seen happening for decades in our media. Wading through 90% propaganda from every side and sifting and sorting it to find some truths in the refuse was exhausting. Losing faith in foundational systems that provide checks and balances made me sad, but not as sad as losing faith in some of my neighbors. Those systems exist because we built them. And there we all were in the midst of a crisis tearing them down, using them as weapons to shut our friends up. So busy pounding our chests in our certainty and pride that we couldn't recognize the indignity in it at all. The destruction in it.

All the muck and sludge that muddied the waters choked out civil discourse. Screaming and accusations won the day. Accusations of fear and hysteria were flying and the response was more accusations of fear and hysteria, different ones, but really more of the same. There were pots and kettles everywhere you looked. Shame on you for being afraid of THAT, when you should be afraid of THIS! And no one saw the hypocrisy. Everyone peddled fear and hysteria, everyone. We traded in it like baseball cards. There were things to fear. We live in a world with sin. It looks like bad people, disease, war, famine, disaster, poverty. We can feel fear and act in spite of it though. It's the definition of bravery. Being brave in the light of fear. More than anything I think I glimpsed heaven. The path is wide and the gate is narrow. Like the eye of a needle, narrow. I thought of all the passages about loving and caring for our neighbor. Loving one another as Christ loved the Church. Love. About the Beatitudes and the expectations. Who we love, who we serve is revealed in our actions, not our declarations or pronouncements. I realized that the world is filled right up to the brim with those who would rush that gate presuming they will pass through. But in the end they will break themselves against it. Their thoughts and words evaporating like smoke and all that remained was who they really were and how they lived it. Those people walked through the eye of the needle. In the months of the plague some people sacrificed. They sacrificed everything. All of it. Abraham was asked to sacrifice his only son. Job lost all he worked for and ever loved. Some people shared every morsel of food they had even when they didn't know where the next meal would come from, while others hoarded it and stocked it away for themselves. Some looked for those who needed help and they met their needs. They gave until it hurt and they had nothing left to give. Some sat quietly and prayed, each and everyday. Blessed are the meek. The words of the bible became a to do list for some while others chucked it out the window as they poured over their 401k statement. For some the adversity was an awakening. Their thoughts and time returned to their families. Consumerism gave way to time outdoors, walks, talking and hobbies. There were people who thrived in it. Rejoiced in it. Found themselves in it. It changed the course of lives for the better in many ways. We didn't hear about them very often because when they dared to speak they were shouted down and chastised for daring to enjoy this life at home over the old life. But they were there. Happy people, content people, good people tend to work and live well beneath the radar. Unencumbered by so much of what the rest of the world is obsessed with. Humble, quiet and busy doing the Lord's work. Still voices rose above the prattle every hour on the hour urging us back to "normal" because life lived in our own homes together would be dangerous they warned. Children would be abused, domestic violence would soar, parents could not endure full time with their children, depression, suicide and addictions could not be satisfied at home causing people to spiral out of control. No one asked why the answer to all these mental health challenges was a "normal" fueled by families going in different directions all day, everyday. No one asked why the answer to all this brokenness was returning to our position as a cog in an economy. No one talked about how we begin to address those issues instead of hastening to bury them again. No one pieced together that the "normal" they clamored for equalled distraction. Normal was all of us moving constantly, feeding a need for instant gratification, consuming stuff, and pursuing more. Just more. More and more. What had been shown to us was that if didn't keep moving, keeping feeding our desires we would collapse into violence, addiction and depression.

Skies cleared, oceans thrived, the world quieted and calmed and she came back to life. And people demanded we go back as quickly as possible to what we had before. It was weird. It was sad. It was a plague.

For me though it was a Pause. The Great Pause of 2020 changed my life. I realized that the plague was what we were living before the virus. In some ways the virus was an awakening. An opportunity, a glimpse into a potential life we could have if we wanted. Our family had lived this life for 24 years already, in many ways. I stayed home raising our family, tending our home, making a life, homeschooling. We had opted out of a lot of things about the culture. But the Great Pause made me realize we still had one foot in that world. It showed me an exit ramp and I took it. I wanted the Paused Life to be our life. I wanted to be the version of myself that I found in those months. I never wanted to go back. I never wanted to become what I saw. My hope was heaven, passing through the eye of that needle.