The Making of a "Good" Morning

Not all parenting issues are going to be resolved with this blog. That I can promise you. But in my experience the morning hours set the stage for the entire day. If you are in Project Status getting a handle on the mornings is a great place to start.

Sleepy snuggles and morning cuddles, while mama sips coffee. Telling each other about our dreams and having a great breakfast together. Wouldn't that be an amazing way to start each day? Pleasant mornings like every other part of the day don't happen by accident and here is the proof. When you wake up to crying, screaming, hungry children who seem to immediately begin to execute a calculated plan to ruin your day - you aren't in a good mood all day are you? Kids aren't any different when the morning is chaotic and frustrating. But, if you woke up to hugs and kisses, a good breakfast, a simple plan for the day, some activities and healthy, fun things to look forward to... you'd be pretty stoked. And if that became the new normal, the way you view mornings would change dramatically. What the kids wake up to find in us and in the home sets a tone for the day. Let's put mornings on Project Status and for 30 days reclaim how we begin our day.

Here are 3 things to consider to take control of the mornings:

1. Rise and Shine.

I can't begin to tell you how it pains me to say this. Like, pains me! Cause I am not naturally a morning person y'all.

We gotta get up before the kids. We just do. Mom is up first. Period. When I work with families this is a key indicator for how well the house runs and what discipline issues we are going to be tackling.

The younger the kids, the more essential this is but at any age, we really have to be up well before they are or we will regret it.

We can't wake up when the kids wake us up. Right out of the gate before the morning begins you are behind. They beat you to the punch already. Motherhood, is a job. A vocation. A calling for many. We have to really shift our mindset and think of it like a job. Would we show up to work having just stumbled out of bed, not being dressed, or ready for the day? You don't have to be polished and shined up. Yoga pants and a t-shirt make a great work uniform for being home with kids. This is also OUR day too. This is a day in OUR life. How we value ourselves, our time and our day translates and the kids pick up on it. Do this for yourself as well as for the home. Get up well before the kids. Maybe you need 15 minutes, maybe you need an hour. You decide. But get up, take 5 minutes to dress and brush your hair. Wash your face and smear some moisturizer on that skin. You'll feel a thousand times better and it's five minutes. The earlier you can manage, the more prep time you have. Have you ever opened a retail store? You can't arrive at the same time the store opens. Customers are waiting and irritated. Lights aren't on, cash registers are on, there is an opening to do list. Get up and open your home before the "customers" arrive.

2. We have to have a daily schedule with our children. I believe the goal is to work from a rhythm but rhythms only work when the family is functioning really smoothly together. Rhythm and personal responsibility is the goal. When we start from Project Status though we begin with a schedule. It's pretty set in stone and we need to stick to it so we can rectify behaviors and habits. We progress to a routine which a more relaxed schedule and eventually across time when everyone knows how to manage themselves, we can work from a rhythm. Mornings have to be structured to reclaim the day. We are up first, we established that already. So we go wake up the children. Don't just wait for them to wake up naturally. This is for children over the age of 3. We know about when they are going to wake up, just go in and wake them up a few minutes earlier than you anticipate them getting up. Waking them up instead of letting them wake up, helps them see the day differently. With a schedule, where we get them up, we are sending a clear message that we are in charge. When they get up whenever they feel like it, they are in charge. This also helps build a reliable sleep cycle for them. If we want them in bed on time and tired, we have to pay attention to their natural cycles and gently adjust them to our schedule. If we want them in bed at 7 or 8 we may have to get them up earlier. We can gradually adjust those time across our Project Status month to get the kids on our schedule. 'Cause we're in charge, right?

Sample Schedule:

• Wake up (by Mom who was already up and ready for the day).

• Some morning snuggles and cuddles (without screens) 10 minutes or so.

• When they are fully awake, breakfast . (If they are 3 or over, have them help with breakfast).

• Set the table.

• Make it a meal. Make toast or bagels cut in half. Put some fruit out or yogurt.

• Sit together, eat and chat about the day and let them know what you are doing for the day.

• The kitchen is open for breakfast for about 20 minutes. Then we all clean up.

The rest of the morning needs to be structure as well. Below are some ideas for the morning. (I'll tackle Afternoons and Evenings in separate posts.)

• Morning Chores: After breakfast we brush teeth, get dressed, tidy all our rooms, bathrooms and make our bed.

• Focused play. (30 minutes) Focused in that it's not free play - maybe it's Lego time or sensory bins. Maybe it's dolls or action figures. Whatever just narrow the access to their toys to one area. It helps to have toys sorted and in bins or baskets.

• Center Time (30 minutes) Maybe it's play-dough, or moon sand. Maybe it's a water table, or puzzles. Again, focused time.

• Snack Time (10 minutes) Simple Snack. Fruit and milk. Graham Crackers and Water. Planned and simple. Avoids eating all the time. If they know snack time is coming and the kitchen is closed except for meals they will learn to cooperate.

• Outdoor Time (in almost any weather) or Active Play Indoors (30-45 minutes minimum) if you can play outside longer and everyone gets along, great. But if there are bad attitudes, arguing, cut it to 30 and let them know why.

• Cool Down. (10 Minutes) Wash up faces. Cold drink of water.

• Lunch

We can never expect more from our children than we are willing or able to do. We want them to maintain a good cooperative attitude all day, we have to equip them to do so and we have to check our own attitudes. We want them to be patient and enthusiastic, but are we? We want them to clean up after themselves and clean their rooms, but they will always model what we do before they listen to what we say. I know it's hard. Raising humans is hard. We have to set ourselves up for success and we have to set them up, every day for success. They need structure and discipline. Love does not exist without discipline. It cannot be separated from love. Not even for ourselves. We must exercise self discipline. We just must. We cannot raise children into adults if we lack self discipline. We want them to listen to us. We need to be willing to listen too. We have to hear past their behaviors to what they are telling us they need and then we are duty bound to do the right things for them. We aren't their friend, we aren't their companion or playmate. We are the boss. We are in charge of the house, the family, the finances, the discipline, the outcome.

Whatever we need to meet the task - get it. Help? Mother's helper, housekeeper, occasional help, babysitter, time with friends, support, time to take care of ourselves - make it happen. Because our kids need us to be strong and in charge. As much as they may act like they enjoy a Lord of the Flies life, they don't. The time will come when they make it very clear they don't and they will rebel against it. We don't have to exert our authority through corporal punishment. We don't have to yell or cry or threaten. If we want them to treat us with respect and deference, we have to own it. We have to command it. If you look like you know what you're doing, they will follow you. They want to follow your lead. And look, it's okay to be a hot mess sometimes! We are all there sometimes. But none of us really want that life all the time. It's exhausting. Final Thoughts If we want desperately to do this but our tank is empty and we can't find the strength or the motivation then the first order of business is doing a self-examination. What's going on in our heads and hearts that is preventing us from stepping with strength and clarity into this role? What tools do we need? What emotional support? What character flaws (we all have them) have to be addressed? Make the first order of business understanding ourselves. Maybe we are struggling with depression? Hormonal issues, marital issues, financial problems? Write down what the personal obstacles, both internal and external. Then make a plan to address each of them. This isn't magic. It's just work. The hard fast truth is that whatever is going on in our heads and hearts, making this a challenge - it's not going to improve with a house and a family in chaos. It doesn't matter which came first, the chicken or the egg. The reality is we gotta cook 'em both and make feed them to the family. Then do the dishes. Put your family on Project Status and reclaim your days - start with mornings. Then we'll build into the afternoon and the evening. We'll get there. 2 steps forward, one step. It's ok. We'll get there.