Just Pancakes

I have a lot of marriage advice. My best advice (gather in close) wait for it... is marry a hottie. Okay, that's actually not my best advice but if you are gonna get married and spend a whole forever with someone, it's very helpful if they can melt your butter. My husband and I are both married to hotties. We may not be smokin' in the way the world defines it anymore but I say this with complete confidence, we only ever have eyes for one another.

We were at the gym last week and my man was killing it on the elliptical. He was sweaty and he had been going a long time at a pretty good clip and his legs, he told me after were turning to noodles, but I couldn't tell. My heart swelled up looking at him. He looked young and strong and as handsome to me as the day I married him. Sure we are grandparents and his beard is almost entirely gray and white now but I see all the versions of him when I look at him. I see the clean shaven, sweater-vest wearing Chandler phase, the frat boy from college, the mullet - (yes girls he had a mullet in high school). I see the Air Force Staff Sergeant, the police officer, the geek in an obscure superhero t-shirt, the father, the Biomedical Engineer and the grandfather the babies call Papa, all at once.

We weren't kissed by Trolls to get this kind of spell cast over us. I'm not exactly certain how we have managed to fall more and more in love across 23 years, 31 if you go back to when we met, but we have. We have grown in love, respect, humility, humor and we have managed to keep the heat on. I suspect it's because we passionately love and follow Christ as much as we love one another, or more. We're married of course but I love to call him my best friend with benefits. He is my best friend and so much more. It's not easy juggling hats and sorting through the complexities of family life, finances, cleaning shower drains, walking dogs and deciding on new flooring. It is so easy for all those things to overshadow the love we have for one another. Sometimes life comes at us fast and furious and we can find ourselves having days and weeks where we feel like we haven't connected. We call time out. We walk away from the house - laundry, chores, whatever. We cancel plans and we get out and we go for a drive. We find a cute coffee shop we've never enjoyed and we snuggle up. We go on a picnic. We try a new restaurant, or a new activity like an escape room, or a little local historical attraction where we've never been. We look for new comic book or antique shops.

Somehow when we go on these little adventures we always find the cutest things. This has been true since we dated. Maybe they aren't really that cute? I mean we were having pancakes in a little place in Brown County, Indiana once and we thought it was so amazing! It was cozy and quaint. A small dining room in a Victorian house turned restaurant. There was a crackling fire with an ornate, wrought iron facing. For some people it was probably just pancakes, but there was real butter and real maple syrup. We marveled at how beautiful and special this breakfast was for us. That was 22 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday. I suppose the places we go are actually pretty ordinary. Other people are shuffling in and out of them as if they are unremarkable. To us, they are treasures we have discovered together.

I don't know what it is but the whole world looks kind of magical when we're together. We were on a drive (we like to go on drives and see where we end up) and we happened to notice a sailboat Regatta on the river. We went quickly back up the road and grabbed sub sandwiches and raced back to sit on the banks and watch the beautiful sails. I keep a blanket in the car for just such an occasion. I suppose if you live life always expecting something incredible around every corner you are much more likely to find something incredible. My life wasn't like this before him. It wasn't all laughter and beauty. But every minute since, even in times of great grief and loss, we found beauty in it together. I was having a rough week last week. I was working in my shop and listening to music. We lost a baby a few years ago during this same week, Clare. Always on My Mind by Willie Nelson came on and tears began to fall down my cheeks. I adore this song. It makes me think of everyone I love and how I can never ever love them enough. My husband. My children. My mom. Blinking through my tears with my back to him I didn't think he knew I was crying. But he did. He walked over and had me stand up. He took me in his arms and he danced with me and let me collapse into sobs in his arms. My rock. My everything. Not a word passed between us. He held me tight and I know as he kissed my head he was praying over me right then.

He is everything to me. Our children would tell you we are kind of sappy. Their friends say #relationshipgoals. I say we are simply in love. Very much still deeply in love.