It's a lie

A million and one ways to be unhappy. That's what women have been offered. In a time when we have more access to information than at any other time in the history of the world and what we get is a myriad of road maps and they all lead to discontent. All the bits and pieces littering our lives - "how to's" and "live your best life" have only managed to bring us more discontentment. For all the magazine worthy photos we scroll over on social media, at the end of the day they leave us feeling inadequate more than inspired. A common theme in marketing to women is the idea of balance. Balance is the key. balance is the answer. Balance is the goal. The Holy Grail of Womanhood. It whispers the sweetest lies into a hungriest heart. You can have it all. You can do it all. You can juggle and manage and everyone will think you are SuperWoman. And we try. We really try. I'm here to whisper a old truth. It won't be attractive. It won't inspire you or cost you a penny in new online purchases to achieve. But it's real. It's the truth. You can throw all the pop psychology and Cosmo articles you want at this truth and it will not budge. There is no such thing as balance. Balance is another invention of modern psychology and therapy that is meant to soothe and comfort what is broken in our soul. Warm compresses might feel wonderful on a broken bone but they do nothing at all to reset it and help it heal. No. The resetting usually involves a little bit of discomfort. Suffering, discomfort, sacrifice aren't popular positions in our culture these days. But they are the path to healing and restoration. Find Balance. We think of a juggler, a man balancing plates while he stands on a ball. A tightrope walker carefully navigating across a great chasm. These are the goals we've been told are healthy. Circus attractions and death defying acts. These are certainly apt illustrations. It's comical to think you can breezily manage a complicated life with dozens of moving parts, variables and unexpected emergencies and keep smiling like you are having the time of your life. Women are running households. Tending families. Raising children, the most unpredictable creature on the planet and we are supposed to balance it. There is no balance. There is a teeter totter. Have you been on a teeter totter lately? You can't teeter by yourself which is good because if we were alone in this life it would be much easier to manage. That's called a walk. No. We are on one end and ALL the life we have the blessing to be in charge of is on the other side. It's up and it's down. Sometimes you plop down hard and immediately get shot back up in an unnerving jolt. Other times you hang out at the top or bottom waiting for something to shift. It's fun to try to balance in the middle you think. You give it a try. But really where is the fun in both sides floating there, holding their breath, trying not to move at all? After a moment you give up balancing and go back to teetering. It's terrifying and hilarious all the surprisingly jarring movements, but it's a lot of fun once you embrace it. Managing a family, will never be an exercise in balance. It will always be an exercise in teetering and tottering. When you have a sick child - nothing will get done. The laundry WILL back up. You will be stuck at the bottom a while. Then just as quickly as your bottom met the soft grass you'll be popping back to the top with an impromptu dandelion brought in from the back yard and handed over with jelly face kiss on the cheek. And so it goes, all day, everyday for the rest of your life. Up and down. Is there anything more futile than trying to contain that which by it's very nature cannot be contained? You might as well take up capturing all the wind in a paper bag. Motherhood, family life is sacrificial, hard work. We are growing human beings from scratch. It was never meant to be easy. Look at the broken world we live in and you can see what happens when people are not loved up and raised up in a good home. By parents who are willing to make the sacrifices of some things for the good of greater things. This is the work before you. Other things will have to wait. You might be able to have it all, across a lifetime, but you can't ever have it all at the same time. All the balancing in the world doesn't change that truth. Here is another truth, more doesn't add up to happiness. Allowing for life's seasons is much wiser. You can spend your life trying desperately to achieve balance and keep all the balls in the air or you can saddle up to the teeter totter and have the ride of your life. Sometimes you do all things and other times you can't get your hair washed and you don't fight it. You know that it goes up and it comes down. You make your peace and hold on.