Ever Have Days When...

Ever have days when... It all just gets to be too much? You wake up and your stomach just feels bad? You feel cranky for no particular reason?You had a bad dream and it seems to put your whole morning off? You have a headache? You wish you could just call out, and go back to bed? The people you love the most only see your mistakes? You just don't feel hungry? You worry you aren't smart enough? The people you love are fighting? It's all just too much?

Yes? You feel all these things from time to time and so do your children.

Our children are small people. Everything we experience, they experience. Stress, disappointment, discouragement, frustration, being sad, not sleeping well, you name it -- they feel it too. For some reason parents often discount or flatly dismiss the very real experiences of their children. Some days they just have "off" days and some days we see the buildup of stress in their behavior. We do well to take a step back and see the world from our children’s perspectives. As parents we desperately want to believe that kids are resilient. That's what a lot of people like to say. We want to believe that they don’t notice what’s right in front of them. We elevate the impact stress is having on our patience, mood and energy and dismiss the impact it's all having on our children's patience, mood and energy. They aren't as resilient as we would wish. Children hear our phone conversations about grandma being sick, the family pet, the leaky roof, the bill we can't pay and they read the room. They see their siblings and the discipline issues. They see and hear everything. They know when a marriage is on the rocks. They know much more than we think they do. We have to help them interpret it correctly. Kids need to know they are safe and parents are in control. Kids have a tendency to decide that everything that is wrong in the home is their fault. Sometimes an off day is just an off day but we need to dig in and know what is weighing on their tiny hearts. We need to be present. We need to listen and not dismiss their feelings. Slowing down and being fully present and engaged calms a child’s spirit. It provides countless opportunities for gentle reassurance. We can explain and unravel what they may be seeing and hearing. We can make them feel safe when we aren’t moving at the speed of light. Whatever you are feeling on any given day, your kids are feeling it too. Unlike you, they don’t have the ability to articulate it or the vocabulary to help you understand their complex emotions. You deserve support and compassion. So do your children. Don't take this caution as some failure you can throw on the trash heap of failures. My hope is that you will come to see your children as kindred spirits. See yourselves as a team. They are on this journey with you. You all need peace. Sharing and talking with our children allows us to hear the reassuring sound of our own voice saying "it will all be okay". Cut yourself some slack, and give some slack to the children too we all of days like these.