Cultivating a Life of Rest

Despite all outward appearances and evidence to the contrary we cannot in fact run endlessly without rest. Oh sure, we can go for long periods without a pit stop, it's how moms are built. But denying ourselves rest always comes at a price. You might think you are immune. Stronger, tougher except maybe you aren't? There is a cost. It is paid at a cellular level, at a deep emotional level. You know what your body will do? It will let you run a tab. It will extend you credit after credit. It will grant grace periods and extensions to be sure, and still eventually, the bill comes due.

And like every other 90 days-same-as-cash, no interest until 2046, offer - when the bill comes due all that interest (which has been compounded) is owed, immediately. We have to rest or we pay the price. We have to say "No."

Saying "No." is hard and you don't want to do it. I understand. I don't want to either. We don't want to let anyone down. We somehow convince ourselves that if we so much as shrug while holding the weight of the world on our shoulders that the earth will spin off it's axis. It won't. As women in general and especially as moms we sometimes fall into a Messiah Complex. Believing we are the answer, the salvation for others. We can solve their problems, we can fix what is broken and that we alone must fill in all the gaps for those we love. We can't. Some times in this mindset we are so bent in our desire to save and help that we neglect other important responsibilities to our spouses, family, friends, work. But all times when we do this we neglect ourselves and what we need to do for our own health and wellbeing. We need rest.

We need to rest our weary spirits. We need to rest in the love and comfort of people who care about us. We rest in laughter, sunshine, cool breezes, fresh water, good food. We could rest in so many ways if we stopped the madness. Cultivating a life of rest is intentional work. Often we are hard-wired it seems to sacrifice and do and do and do. There are many reasons we choose to run up a tab and let our body pay the price. Maybe we have a codependent nature or we don't think we will be loved if we don't do for others? Perhaps we don't trust anyone to do the right thing and we just need to control them? Or maybe we are in a never ending battle to prove we are good enough? Whatever the reasons we seem to choose everyone and everything but our own health we have to be brave enough stop. We must. Our culture values hard work and being "busy" is the pinnacle, the badge of honor of a proper life. Activity, round the clock. "Look at her go! She's Wonder Woman!" It's counter-culture to opt out of this lifestyle and it is HARD. Especially when our own nature and pre-disposition is interwoven with this busy-bee culture, it's a perfect storm. Like any storm, there is damage in it's wake.

There is no real time for porch sitting, long phone calls, lazy lunches with the ones you love, or afternoon naps. Weekend trips, or leisure weekends to enjoy at home, with friends. We steal a moment here or there and think we have built in "quality time". Moments that usually mean we are planning, packing, prepping and managing everything so everyone else has a great time. That's not restful. We don't even know how to rest anymore do we? And when opportunities to rest present themselves what do we do? We feel guilty about what we aren't doing. We fill up the time. We've replaced what could be rest with more activity - scrolling social media, watching tv. Never allowing our brain a quiet space. If you feel weary down in your bones. If your energy is tapped. If you have let yourself go and you don't recognize yourself anymore. If you struggle to sleep, if your emotions are all over the place, if you feel used, exhausted, drained or have bouts of hopelessness, then maybe consider that you need more rest. Our spirit needs intentional times of rest throughout the day. Walks outside. Quiet. Time to think. A hot cup of tea, an icy lemonade in a comfortable chair. Hot baths, good books, feet up, phone off. We have to recognize them and embrace them. We can't flood our brains with adrenaline all the time. We can't run our bodies into the ground.

We need to say, "No." No to obligations, to our family, to tugs on our time that would pull us away from the recuperation our bodies and souls need. Yes, I said that. You need to say no even to your family.

I say this to you because my bill came due. I was Wonder Woman. I accomplished more before 9 am than most people did all day! (like the Army) and then I got sick. MS, fibromyalgia and dominoes began to fall. Weight gain, depression, exhaustion. Meds and meds for the side effects of the meds. Eight years in that space. Fighting a riptide that tried to pull me under. Trying so hard to be what I had always been. Denying reality. Then I surrendered. Finally I realized that while I was busy being everything I could be to everyone else, my body was telling me - shouting at me to slow down. Eat better. Exercise. Enjoy life. REST. I ignored her. But she found a way to get my attention. I am now 4 years into recovering my health. I'm a total of 40 lbs. lighter than my heaviest weight. I'm 14 months from my last hospital admittance. I'm healthier and stronger than I've been in years. I've eliminated all but one essential medication and found new healthy, holistic ways to care for my body. I changed my life. I learned to cultivate a life of rest. We talked about the tab that's running up. The people around you, they can't see it and honestly even if they did, they'd still add to it. Because we would let them - it's what we do! When we are overweight, depressed, on the verge of a nervous breakdown or sick, it's too late. I've been able to make a new life and I have at least another year to go of reclaiming my health. Friends, unraveling the damage is not always possible. Stress makes us ill at a cellular level, a chemical and hormonal level. We can suffer heart attacks, strokes and develop chronic illnesses. We are the only ones who can create a life of rest for ourselves. We are the only ones who can draw the line in the sand.

No. Is a complete sentence.

Every "Yes" is a "No" to something else. Every "No" is a "Yes". It's ours to choose. We have to choose health. Our health makes it possible to do all the things we want to do for those we love. We have to protect it. Nurture. Build it. This life is not a dress rehearsal. We can love and serve our families, we can do work we love, we can be involved in our community AND care for ourselves. We set limits on all those areas. We make hard choices. We accept that it's not necessary to do everything all at once. We can accept that our energy and health is finite. A life well rested is a gift. Take a rest. God needed one day. We are probably going to require much more.